Fujikyo High was a pretty average, ordinary Japanese high school. Sure, its student body included seven of the world’s most elite martial artists, two sensei who were space aliens (uchuujin) in disguise, five giant mecha pilots, the world’s two greatest (and rival) Mahjong players, three time travelers, a clan of vampires, six magical transforming schoolgirls, one yakuza prince, one guy named “Megane”, eight androids, three cat girls… well, you get the picture, it was an average, ordinary Japanese high school.
But despite the ordinariness of the school, trouble abrew. The corrupt, omnipotent student council was trying to ram through legislation to stop students from sneaking out during class to battle monsters. The student president, Honda Shutaro, ignoring the pleas of the sailor scouts, the combatants in the worldwide climactic battle, the wizards-in-training and even the plucky young child detective, imposed his will with an iron fist. “Too many times has the school interrupted all functions just so some transformation animation can play,” he pounded the elaborate marble student council table with his fist. “Too much has been spent rebuilding classrooms after the fallout from giant dinosaur battles! Henceforth the student body will all follow the example of the nerdy computer club: commitment to academic excellence without interruption!” Most the student senators pumped their fists in a show of solidarity. A few dissenters exchanged worried glances.
“But… but… Honda-sama, how will we enforce that p-policy?” It was Yowai-sensei, nominally the overseer of the Fujikyo Student Council, but in practice a mere figurehead. He was a well-intentioned veteran teacher, the very image of the noble Japanese salaryman, but who would ever respect the man? He was timid and weak: how many times had this kawaisou-na instructor shouted for order in his classroom, only to be ignored, or blasted into orbit by some eldritch abomination? In the councilroom he was no different, a mere mockery of authority. No wonder enforcement was on his mind, since it was so often Yowai-sensei who failed to enforce what regulations the school already had.
“No worries, O-san,” Shutaro spat, oozing with contempt for the wishy-washy faculty member. “I’ve already thought of that. To prevent transformations from disrupting class sessions, we’ll apply a threefold strategy. Hitotsu: All cute fuzzy pets will be strictly prohibited at the school gates. Futatsu: The stereo systems and disco balls will be removed from every classroom, to prevent special effects and music from playing during transformation. Finally and most important of all, every student who voluntarily gives up any magic wand, power crystal, or mysterious family heirloom, will be formally and officially recognized as ‘Normal’. I’ve calculated that 99% of all offenders have a deep wish to ‘Just Be Normal’, so this last measure should be super effective.”
A gasp and a murmur spread through the council chambers. Suddenly Genjinosuke rose, casting a long shadow over the room even as flames of outrage sprang up behind him (somehow failing to set off the fire alarms). Genjinosuke was the school samurai, the heir to a great dojo, rumored to be descended from the Fujiwara clan itself. His stark black hair fluttered in the breeze and his eyes glimmered menacingly. Most the other student senators hated him, but he’d won his seat by coordinating the votes of the many martial artists, ninjas, samurais and sumo wrestlers in the school. Always a rebel, and this day was no different, he whipped out a wicked katana and thrust it toward the president. “Never will I let you get away with these offensive new rules!” Genjinosuke’s bellow shook the room to its foundations and even the indomitable Honda Shutaro quavered and stepped back. “I swear by my sacred ancestors I’ll oppose you to my last breath!” Then suddenly the looming figure turned, dashed toward the gothic stained glass window, and leapt through it. Several senators moved to the shattered window and watched as Genji ran off into the sunset, embarking on a ten-year journey of intense training and self-discovery to prepare himself for the legislative battle ahead.
Shutaro coughed to clear the silence. “Well, then… That problem has taken care of itself, are there any other objections?”
———-
“Oh no!” wailed Tanaka Sakura, a shy blue-haired girl, interrupting the English teacher’s terrible stuttering English. “Look outside, Nan-chan, Shadow-Monsters are invading the school! Quick, transform and save us!”
“I told you, I can’t any more!” It was the twelfth time for Sailor Angel Nanorin Honey-chan to remind her forgetful blue-haired friend since Shutaro’s new rules had taken effect. “I don’t have Fufu the Cute Dolphin with me, there’s no soundtrack, and besides, you know I turned in my power crystal, my magic staff, and my mysterious family necklace. I’m just a normal girl now, remember?”
———-
“Arise, my servant.” The voice was cold as ice and cruel as death, and it came from Queen Shinjatta, Invader from Space, Nemesis of Mortals. In the shadow of her dark twisted throne, her human spy seemed puny and insignificant. He obediently arose from his prostate stance.
“Oh great evil one, hallowed be thy name.” It was Honda Shutaro, and although he’d risen from his knees, he still didn’t dare make eye contact with the wicked queen. “Everything went exactly as planned. Earth’s defenses have been crippled, just as you foresaw.”
“Those fools!” Shinjatta cackled gleefully. “I thought it was too good to be true when all their saviors and heroes came from one ordinary high school! Soon my dark army will overwhelm them, and they will be unable to call upon their super forms to defend themselves. The Earth will be mine!”
She turned toward her war room, almost forgetting her craven spy, but at the last moment she paused. “I have not forgotten your reward, you insect…” she hissed. Shutaro perked up. Would the Evil One keep her end of the bargain? “You’ve done well, and shall have your reward!” She howled with laughter and snapped her fingers, instantly teleporting Honda Shutaro toward the reward he’d sacrificed everything for. Yes, finally Shutaro was teleported into his dream job, and in the planet’s last weeks of freedom, he would savor his role as the manager of, and only male living in, the exclusive all-girl college dormitory outside Tokyo University.