Love at first flight

I always used to hang out at the airport waiting area, it was my favorite place to pick up girls. You never had to worry about getting a reputation or seeing the same girl twice, who would ever revisit an airport waiting area? Because of this, you could perform the most gutsy of tactics and [...]

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Your poor shadow

Do you know your shadow? Have you bought him a cup of tea? He’s suffered greatly for you, you know. You’ve denied him the sunlight, it makes him pale and sickly. There he is, trying to read a book, and you’re blocking his light. He isn’t mad at you, he puts up with it patiently. [...]

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Hospital Bathroom

The hospital bathroom is a single room partitioned by a curtain. Actually, it’s two curtains, and it’s interesting how it works. Each curtain is made of vertical stripes, alternating solid and see-through. They line up just right so the whole thing is solid. But if you go up to one of the curtains and blow [...]

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My buddy Slim Shady

Let me tell you about my buddy Slim Shady, He’s the babe of my crew, I mean he’s literally a baby, ‘n’ I change his diaper full of feces and urine, Rob the bank just for his dental insurance, You can’t even tell if he’s a boy or a girl, ‘n’ I cut his umbilical [...]

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Heart On My Sleeve

My heart on my sleeve?? Man, I wear everything *but* my heart on my sleeve! The White House? Here it is, third button from the cuff. Mt. Everest? I call that my elbow. I flex my bicep, Titanic takes a drink. Put my arm back down, she flies back out the ocean, the Collapsibles fly [...]

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Perfection and Perfectionism

Something’s come up here in Japan, and I’m busy like a one-armed butler playing cover albums for The Doors. Fortunately, I typed up some of these things in advance, so I can just “Publish” them in between breakfast bites before running out the door. This one’s called “Perfection and Perfectionism”. What it’s like to be [...]

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Advanced Writer’s Training Camp

Are you in the mood for murder, kids? Welcome to Advanced Writer’s Training Camp. Nested deep in the hills of Appalachia, we’ve picked out the towns that are leastwise expecting it. Feel the thrill of blood as you sink your knife past their teeth! Taste the thrush of power as you finger the trigger! It’s [...]

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Poem: The Real Red Hot

Hello readers, I’m back in Japan, first time since 2007. This time it’s to visit in-laws, instead of as a tourist. I wrote a ton of high-quality stuff during the airplane ride, unfortunately my notepad is in the other room where my wife and daughter are sleeping so for now you get the one writing [...]

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Programming languages

For lazy Sunday coding, when I’m chillin’ and typin’, I use a language called Lebowski. What distinguishes it is its “throw” without “catches”. You line up your runtime exceptions, knock down those pins, that’s how you program in Lebowski. It takes a kickin’ and keeps on abiding. Turn off compiler warnings, they’re out of their [...]

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Writings dated 6 November 2014

“Did you really think you could hide what you’ve done from me?” my wife said in an accusing tone. “It’s on the frontpage of every paper. In fact it’s so silly, it’s on the frontpage of every tree.” My wife was always telling jokes like that. Putting up with my cruelty and then chiming in [...]

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