When I suggest people take work and jobs less seriously, a common reaction is: “I need money or else I’ll starve.” With technology continuing to obsolete human labor at a faster and faster pace, more and more jobs are gonna disappear, whether we take them seriously or not. A lot of people are free of work now and a lot more will be liberated in years to come, so I figured if people are so hellbent on starving, it would be useful to write this How-To Guide. ;)

Get Out of the City

If you want to starve, you’d better get as far away from civilization as possible. Cities are chock full of free food. Stores and restaurants literally throw away as much food as they sell, it’s so plentiful. It’s not even enough just to go live in the woods, you need to totally unlink yourself from the grid. Once you begin experiencing success in your quest to starve, you’re likely to lose enthusiasm, and if you have, say, a cell phone, you’ll be very tempted to use it to obtain food. If you have any link at all to the outside world, pesky government-employed rescue workers will probably come mess up all your carefully laid plans.

Don’t Tell Anyone Where You’re Going

The quest for starvation must be carried out with ninja-like stealth. Society will brand you with derogatory labels such as “Missing Person.” Your own family will betray you, and you’ll have people combing the woods, deserts and ocean, trying to put a stop to your fast. The only way to escape all these enemies trying to shove food down your throat, is to disappear without a trace.

Go Back In Time to the Ice Age

Starving would be considerably easier if it weren’t for all these humanitarian institutions, all this advanced agricultural technology, all these cities and all this temperate climate. And starving isn’t gonna get any easier, either: pesky scientists work tirelessly to improve food technology more and more. You’d better get working on starving soon, before we have robots running around everywhere giving people food. Your best bet is to build a time machine and travel back to the ice age. Just make sure nobody knows your exact spacetime coordinates, or some well-intentioned Kyle Reese might come terminate your mission ;)

Blow Up the Sun

As long as sunlight shines upon the surface of the world, life and vegetation will stubbornly grow and blossom. Just as your quest for starvation nears completion, your willpower will break down completely and you run the risk you might give in and eat something. The only way to be really sure is to blow up the sun. Act fast, before all these pesky scientists find some way to turn lifeless rocks into food!

Annihilate Your Remains with Antimatter

If anything at all is left of you after you starve, the annoying Cycle of Life will somehow incorporate it into the circle. While this doesn’t exactly stop you from starving, it kind of goes against the bigger “Starvation Movement” of which you are now a member. You don’t want some leeching bacteria to come feast on your bones, that would be a goal for the Non-Starving team! It’s not even enough to blow up the sun or seal yourself in a glacier, eventually after many eons some exotic microscopic organism will get at you.

FURTHER READING

The Work Ethic
The Overpopulation Myth
The Case for Basic Income
How To Destroy Planet Earth (oops, I never wrote that one, I just can’t think of any realistic way to do it! ;) )

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