If You’ve Never Drunk Alcohol, Try It!

I didn’t drink one single alcoholic beverage until I was in my twenties. It’s not that I had anything against alcohol. It’s just that it wasn’t really in my reality. When I thought about what I was going to do during the weekend, alcohol never came into the picture. (Nothing very fun came into the picture at all, for that matter. I was a dork.) Now that I’m looking back with a little more wisdom and life experience, I should’ve drunk a lot sooner.

A little context: when I was growing up, no one in the immediate family (or heck, the whole extended family) drank a drop. With a little more perspective, I see now that that was a little bit weird and unusual. At the time, though, I thought it was normal. In movies, the good guys never drink, and anyone who does enjoy liquor is invariably a loser hanging around outside the seven-eleven. That, or a pirate on the high seas.

The truth is that in normal, healthy social situations, alcohol is ubiquitous. It’s everywhere. When friends go out for dinner, it’s typical to have some beer. When people party, they do it with cold beverages. A few glasses of wine transform an awkward date into a smooth, well-lubricated fling. (But, boys and girls, can we please move beyond the sexist “the guy always pays the bartab” thing already?)

Beer is thoroughly built into the cultures of the world. Before I drank, that was just one more thing that was always slightly “off” about me. It’s part of the assumed background in most adult conversations, just like driving, sex, eating and sleeping. You don’t have to be a regular drinker to achieve this background, but you need to have tried it at some point in your life, and not just a sip. Everyone should have the experience of getting drunk at least a few times, even if you still want to go totally straightedge afterwards. It’s smart to at least try something before making a resolution to abstain from it.

I’ve heard some Christians claim that beer is an evil sin. Such Christians have probably never sat down to read through the entire Bible. Truth is, the earliest recorded miracle of Jesus was a party trick. He was at some friend’s party and they ran out of wine. Jesus saved the day, swooping in and using his powers to turn water into wine. (Guy sounds pretty sweet to have around. He was also known to take fish and bread and multiply it to feed the masses, until he got a cease-and-desist order from the fish and bread industries and tarred by politicians for being a socialist.)

Doesn’t alcohol kill brain cells? Yes, but if you’ve never enjoyed the very basic and common experience of being buzzed, it’ll actually make you more intelligent. This is for the same sorts of reasons I wrote about in my article: Become More Intelligent By Doing New Things. And like I already mentioned, when I had never had an introduction to Bacchus, it just made me weird.

The first time I drank was at a club called The Nuthouse when I was 23 years old. It was Cinco de Mayo, I had just joined the seduction community, and I was going out to do “club game” for the first time (“club game” is community jargon for picking up girls in nightclubs). I was so out of place and weird on that first night out, it makes me grin when I think back to it. Everyone must’ve thought I was a space alien. Honestly I was scared stiff at the very idea of going to a nightclub and sampling the forbidden nightlife. Once I pushed through the fear, I had a great time. I had one margarita and I was smashed! I learned a lot from the experience and am definitely glad I did it.

Incidentally, out of the sexual partners I’ve had, in almost every case, our meetings or early dates involved generous helpings of brew. This is despite spending many nights deliberately trying to pick up girls while stone cold sober.

Of course I’m not advocating anyone become a raging alcoholic. If you’re a heavy drinker, it’d probably be beneficial to cut back somewhat. But you won’t fall into that spiral just from casual social drinking.

FURTHER READING

Read about Hashigo Zake, the Japanese art of barhopping.

Read about my first time hosting a party.

If you’re interested in the crazy exploits of my late-blooming love life, read more about it in Campus Homelessness, Hygiene, and Showering.