Two of the coolest things from Japan are: Ninjas and Koans. Mix them together and you get Ninja Koans. (Some of these, you’ll have to know what they’re a parody of in order to get the joke!;))
The Overly Clever Zen-master
The ninja Nobushige visited the Zen Master Haukin and asked: “Is there a Heaven and Hell?”
“Who are you?” asked the old master.
“I am a ninja” replied Nobushige.
“You, a ninja!” exclaimed Haukin. “What kind of ruler would have you as his ninja? Your face looks more like that of a beggar!”
Nobushige was furious and he began to draw his katana.
Haukin said: “So you have a katana! It looks much too dull to cut off my head!”
Nobushige whipped the blade out and thrust it toward Haukin.
Haukin remarked: “Here open the gates of H–” He was interrupted as Nobushige cut his head right off.
Never Ask A Ninja For Enlightenment
One day, Ichirou approached the village ninja. “How can I attain enlightenment?” asked Ichirou. The ninja whipped out a shuriken and flicked it right into Ichirou’s heart. Right away, Ichirou was enlightened.
How To Live Forever
A ninja-in-training asked his master: “Is it possible to live forever?” “Yes” replied his master. “How can I live forever?” asked the student. “First, you must never utter a false statement,” began the master. “I can do that,” the student assured. “Second, every day you must say: `tomorrow I’ll cut off someone’s head’. Follow these two rules and you will never die!”
The Gōjian Knot
One day, the great ninja shogun Arekusanda arrived at Gōjiamu, where he found a certain cart tied to a post. This was no ordinary cart or post: prophesies said that whoever could untie the knot would become shogun of all Asia. Arekusanda struggled with the knot but he could find no way to untie it. Finally he whipped out his katana and slashed the knot, cutting it right in half, as well as the post, the cart, and several witnesses standing nearby.
A Wise Saying
If you meet the Buddha, kill him. If you meet someone else… kill him too.
Wise Emperor Soromon
One day, Soromon the Ninja-Emperor was holding court when two disputing women were brought for his judgment. There was a baby with them, and the two women each claimed to be the baby’s true mother. Soromon pondered the situation for a moment. He whipped out his katana and cut the baby and both the women clean in half.
No Coming and No Going
Just before Ninakawa passed away, Ninja-Master Ikkyu visited him. “Shall I guide you on?” Ikkyu asked.
Ninakawa replied: “What on earth are you talking about? I’m perfectly healthy and AAAA GURRRRRGLE” Ikkyu had whipped out a length of piano-wire and strangled his host.
Forest Ninjutsu
If a ninja and a tree are in a forest, and the ninja slashes through the tree with his katana and disappears in a puff of smoke before it can hit the ground, does it make a sound?
FURTHER READING
Ten Buddhist Koans
Three Ways to Be More Present
Ten Metaphors For Death